


Middle Earth Homonyms

by Razorlace



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Rugby, Cultural References, Drabble Collection, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-15 06:55:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17523974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Razorlace/pseuds/Razorlace
Summary: A collection of drabbles inspired by every day words and phrases that I thought might be fun to put in a Middle Earth context. Each chapter will be a finished short work, so I don't know when or if this collection will ever be completed. Maybe never, who knows. Requests are most welcome :)





	Middle Earth Homonyms

“All clear?”

“Yes Gandalf!”

The team of short curly haired men bobbled about in the changing room, laughing casually as they searched for lucky gum shields and caps five minutes before the pre-game would begin.  

Once every hobbit had his kit on, they exited the changing rooms, and went up the sloped entrances to the field, looking for all intents and purposes like a flock of ducklings. After a quick wave to family and friends, they lined up ten meters away from their opponents, and waited.

By reputation alone, there was never a more feared rugby team than Erebor. Affectionately known as the Ere-Boars in their native country, they were certainly built like their wild namesake. Huge, hulking brutes that made mincemeat of their opponents barely breaking a sweat.

The geometric silver patterns on their royal blue jerseys rippled under bulging muscles.

“Blimey,” chirped one Hobbitshire player, having finished his apple, “they’re big fellows!”

And they were. But while the captain of Erebor wasn’t the tallest or largest, he had a certain presence that made even the toughest bouncer as meek as a lamb. It was this man who began the chant. He strode between the lines of men as a commander would an army.

The Erebor team gave it their all. Thighs were slapped, tongues were deployed, and thinly veiled death threats were issued with the drawing of thumbs across throats. By the time it ended even the commentators were calling for a change of trousers.    

In the face of such devastating power Hobbitshire had no other option than to turn tail and run. Or did they?

Hobbitshire was famous for their players bare feet, a tradition that harkened back to the club’s foundation. They were also notorious for their relaxed attitude on the pitch. Before the regulations were overhauled a decade ago it was not an uncommon sight for a player to be stood during downtime in his long brown shorts, sunshine yellow jersey, with a long pipe on the go, if not a midday snack.

As it was, they now had to leave their pipes and pies for halftime, until which they were under the care of their adoring wives- many of whom played ‘rugger’ themselves and often showed greater bloodlust than their male counterparts.   

Hobbitshire’s captain (and most respectable player) cleared his throat quietly and turned to address his team.

“Right lads, let’s give these chaps a good seeing to.”

Under the clamouring of the crowd there was a collective intake of breath, and the ‘Hobbits’ began.

 

_“Guide me, O thou great redeemer,_

_Pilgrim through this barren land;_

_I am weak, but thou art mighty,_

_Hold me with thy powerful hand;_

_Bread of heaven, bread of heaven_

_Feed me till I want no more;_

_Feed me till I want no more._

 

_Open now the crystal fountain_

_Whence the healing stream doth flow;_

_Let the fire and cloudy pillar_

_Lead me all my journey through:_

_Strong deliverer, strong deliverer;_

_Be thou still my strength and shield;_

_Be thou still my strength and shield…”_

 

By this point the Hobbitshire crowd had joined in, hands on hearts. Tears rolled down the cheeks of many, not all sporting yellow. Let it be said that a few blue and silver face paints were ruined that day.  

 

_“…Death of death, and hell's destruction_

_Land me safe on Yavanna's side:_

_Songs of praises, songs of praises,_

_I will ever give to thee;_

_I_ _will ever give to thee.”_

 

A hush descended over the crowd once the last note ended. Then, as if by magic, every single person in that stadium stood up and cheered.

The captain of the Erebor team spoke softly to his vice-captain.

“Dwalin?”

“Yup?”

“We’re going to lose, aren’t we.”

“Yup.”


End file.
